


i still hear your voice in traffic (we're laughing)

by MyDestinyIsWritten



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Driving, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Survivor Guilt, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, i'm still sad over endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29829870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyDestinyIsWritten/pseuds/MyDestinyIsWritten
Summary: Tony promised Peter he'd teach him to drive, he's not here anymore thoughor I'm still sad over Endgame and I wanted Happy and Peter talking
Relationships: Happy Hogan & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	i still hear your voice in traffic (we're laughing)

**Author's Note:**

> tw: suicide mention (not of Peter or any of the avengers)

Peter was now 16 years old.

It was about 8 months after Tony and Nat had both sacrificed themselves to bring back the lost half of the world and defeat Thanos. That 50% of the population that had turned to dust were all back and so many people were reunited with their loved ones, which would have been great.

Except it was overlooked that so many people hadn’t had that luxury.

There was one of Peter’s neighbors, he was in college the last time he’d seen him. Anyways, his moms lived together and Peter always saw him around visiting them and bringing them dinner and flowers. Apparently they had both been blipped which left him an orphan in college. They never got to see him graduate and he had killed himself not even 2 weeks after the ceremony.

The suicide rates had shot up a lot during those years, so many people had quite literally vanished and it was impossible to stay hopeful when there was absolutely nothing they could hold on to and a lot of people saw suicide as the only solution.

But when those dusted people came back, the people they seeked out in the crowds were gone, already long lost.

May told him when the parents had been brought back and everything had settled, they’d gone around looking for anyone who’d know where their son was, May was the one who had to tell them before they drove themselves crazy looking. May had to tell them that the kid who’d always bring home the pasta he knew they liked and the chocolate bars he knew were their favorites, was gone, and that was just one story.

Honestly from what Peter had heard, during those 5 years, it had been like watching an empire collapse all around you and you being stuck in the middle with no way to help, just constricted to seeing everything around fall into rubble on the ground and collect into towers of misery and ash.

There was a part of Peter that was overjoyed that he hadn’t been one to stick around because without MJ and Ned who were also dusted, he doesn’t know what he’d do, another huge part of Peter wished he had stuck around (not that he had had a choice), just so he could help everyone else, so he could have talked every single person who had to live through that and just fix all of their problems because that must have sucked beyond anything he could ever imagine.

And Peter knows he hasn’t lost as many people as most because others lost everything, their families, their friends.

But he lost  _ Tony _ . 

He lost another person who he thought he could protect and who he, naive as he is, thought he would have forever.

But he messed up.

And he messed up  _ bad _ , because now Tony had an incredible daughter Morgan who didn’t have her dad anymore because Peter had to stand by uselessly and cry while he listened to Tony’s heart stutter to a hard stop.

Pepper didn’t have her husband, Rhodey and Happy didn’t have their best friend, and the world didn't have their Iron Man.

(And Peter didn’t have his Tony)

Happy was supposed to take him driving later and Peter has been stalling for  _ months _ now. It's not because he doesn’t wanna know how to drive because he definitely does, that would be awesome, but Tony promised him he’d teach him to drive and he’d let him take one of his fancy cars for a spin and going without him felt wrong, like when you lose a tooth and there’s a weird new gap there that's not supposed to be there.

Tony had  _ promised _ he’d teach him.

He was not going to be able to wriggle his way out of this one though, his excuses just kept getting flimsier and flimsier.

_ “Hey Peter want me to take you driving later” “Shoot, I wish, but I have a decathlon meet” _

_ “Are you free later to go for a ride?” “Sorry, I have a test I need to study for” _

_ “You still need to learn how to use the shifts, Pete” “I know, I know, but I wanted to get some extra patrolling in tonight” _

Happy had actually brought the issue up in person once, “Kid, it’s fine if you don’t wanna learn but is there a reason? You used to always talk about learning to drive.”

He had mumbled a quick excuse and sprinted out of there.

His entire class already knew how to drive and everyone was always carpooling to each other's houses but Peter could care less. He only hung with Ned and Mj for the most part, so it never really affected him anyways.

Another thing was he felt like he was letting May down, because he knows she really wants him to get his license, but everytime he tries to even think about it he feels nauseous, like he just dropped on a rollercoaster.

_ Knock knock _

The nausea was back.

Peter reluctantly shrugged on his jacket and opened the door to the apartment.

“Hey Happy,” he waved. He was pretty sure Happy could see something was wrong, but he hasn’t said anything yet.

“Hey kiddo, you ready to go?” he asked.

Peter nodded and stepped briskly out the door.

Happy was driving them to some empty parking lot to get him started off with and the ride was pretty much silent except for when Happy asked if May was home, Peter had said no, May had taken an extra shift and was still at work. Then Happy asked if he was feeling alright and pressed a cool hand to his forehead to check his temperature, Peter easily brushed him off and changed the subject as he tried not to fidget.

They pulled into the lot and switched seats once they’d parked, Happy gave him another quick runthrough of the gears and shifts even though he’d already heard this a dozen times and had him drive through the parking spaces setting up a path for him to go through. 

“You know, if you really don’t want to do this, it’s fine Pete, right?”, Happy said from the passenger's seat.

He knows that, and he knows Happy would be fine if he told him the truth, if he told him that even the thought of driving made him go dizzy and he knows Happy would  _ understand _ but it seemed like he was the only one still hooked on this. Everyone else seemed fine at family game nights and when they’d all get together for dinner, but every time Peter felt tears well up because Nat wasn’t there to absolutely demolish them in Jenga and Tony wasn't there to outsmart his way to the top of every monopoly round, the gaps were everywhere taking up no space and yet so much at the same time.

He’d see pictures taken recently of everyone and the first thing his mind would go to was who wasn’t in that picture? Who was missing from the picture because of stupid Thanos (or because Peter wasn’t good enough to have helped save them-)?

Peter tightened his grip on the steering wheel, “It’s fine, I can do this,”.

Happy still looked unsure but he let him go ahead, driving slowly through the spaces and twisting through the planters spaced throughout.

After a while Happy helped him drive onto the street and showed him what to do at the lights and gave him little tips about whenever he turned. 

How to turn your blinker on.

Those were the windshield wipers.

Something about the rearview mirror…

And then suddenly there were the sounds of horns honking and Happy was reaching over and jerking the steering wheel, pulling them out of the center of the road where- where Peter had almost slammed into another car.

_ Shit _

Happy, still leaned over him, steered them both to the side as Peter stayed frozen clutching the edges of the seat with white knuckles. 

The cold fist around his heart was suddenly  _ squeezing _ the second they were parked on the side of the road, he was sobbing before Happy could even ask what the hell just happened.

_ He had almost hit another car. _

_ That person could have died and it would’ve been his fault. _

_ There could’ve been a family in that car. _

_ His fault, again. _

_ Where was Tony? _

The words practically tumbled out of his mouth, the elaborately built wall holding  _ everything _ in just  _ broke _ and his mouth was moving against his will between each separate sob.

“I’m sorry, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to” Peter gasped, it felt like a vacuum had come and sucked up every ounce of oxygen, because he could not  _ breathe _ .

Happy was staring at him in confusion, really worried, probably because Peter had almost hurt another person.

“Jesus, kid, it’s alright, okay? It’s alright, see we’re both fine, nothing happened” Happy’s brows are tense as he watches Peter crumble.

His face fell as he watched Peter cry, “There was a reason you didn’t want to come out here, wasn’t there?”

Peter’s breathing is everywhere as he gives a harsh nod, refusing to lift his eyes up to meet Happy’s.

“Tony said- he promised he’d show me how to d-drive”

_ Tony’s voice in his head, laughing as Peter bonked his head on the lab table in his excitement before asking if he was alright. _

“and N-Nat said once I got my license, s-she’d let me drive her to her favorite restaurant and you k-know she hates letting other people drive her” Peter choked, “She said we could get ice cream after”

_ Nat’s favorite restaurant was the Syrian place with the majestic Arabic letters painted inside on the walls, she loved the frozen yogurt place where it was self-serve and she could load it with as many boba bubbles and chocolate chips as she wanted.  _

_ The first time they’d trained together, she had let him win, he’d told her to not underestimate him, she’d only lost 2 more times after that.  _

_ MJ was nervous to talk to Nat at first, and MJ was never nervous, after though, they’d talk all the time and it was immediately decided that they were probably one of the most terrifying and badass duos to ever walk the Earth. _

Happy was still watching him in a frozen silence, “Tony told me h-he’d let me take his old red car for a drive, and we’d always l-laugh and talk about which car suited me b-est” a new set of tears was coming, “He kept saying he’d get me the best car there was and I always said you don’t have to because I wanted to earn it, myself” his breath hitched again and his next sentence was practically squeezed out of him, “He always said, I’ve already earned it”

_ Tony and him laughing in the lab and dancing to the music FRIDAY had put on for them. Pepper coming down and just watching wearily with a smile as something caught on fire and they both ran around like idiots trying to put it out.  _

_ Somehow, he always ended up sleeping on Tony during movie night and the team had an abundance of pictures in the album with them. Tony claiming he burned everything he cooked, but making pasta that could rival anyone’s anyways.  _

_ Peter calling him after a nightmare and just talking until Peter eventually fell asleep.  _

_ He and Ned had worshiped him growing up and even after meeting him a gazillion times, Ned still stared with wide eyes as he walked away, because he was Tony Stark, he was Iron Man for god’s sake. The shock of it never wore off, Peter felt the same most of the time. _

“Happy-”, another hitch, “Happy, they’re both gone” Peter finally looked up at him and did a double-take when he realized there were shining tears in his eyes, and the older man was looking at him with a conflicted look, but Peter needed to finish this first.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I couldn't help or  _ do _ anything-” he takes in a shuddering breath and Happy looks mad, why was he mad?

“Peter, you’re going to listen to me when I say this” Peter nods confirmation and Happy’s voice is a lot softer, “It wasn’t your fault, none of it was, at all, I promise. Tony did everything he did for  _ you _ , kid I-” Happy coughed, trying to subtly wipe the tear that fell, “Do you know how devastated he was every time your name would pop up on the missing or he saw a picture of you? The first months, we’d have to  _ drag _ him out of his lab, kicking and screaming because he was still trying to find ways to bring you back.” Peter shut his eyes, trying not to imagine the horrific scene.

“When he had Morgan he was so worried he’d mess up and he’d always tell us about how happy you would be if you knew you had a sister. He didn’t want to lose Morgan because he’d already lost you, he thought with Morgan he had a second chance and I know he never ever stopped thinking about you.” Happy looked wistful, and his gaze may have been on Peter but it was obvious he wasn’t really seeing him.

Happy breathed in, closing his eyes, “And Nat, well that girl was one hard kick. You know the first time I met her she flipped be over, I had bruises that lasted weeks” 

Peter huffs, trying a laugh, “That seems like Nat”

“She talked about you too, a lot, she was pretty fond of you, talking about how awesome you were. I remember in the first few years where you were gone, she’d always be down in the training room but I never once saw her actually training. You were one of her favorite people to spar with and she worked around the clock trying to bring everyone back. You were a part of her family, we all were.” Happy zeroes in on him again, “Tony and Nat were alike in a lot of ways, but one of the big ones was they both loved you, kid. Those two are peas in a pod and I have never seen them look as proud as they were when they looked at you, it’s not your fault they’re gone. They knew the risks and what it would take to bring you back”

Peter listened, numb, as Happy’s words echoed through his head dully, bouncing, back and forth, back and forth.

_ They both loved you, kid. _

_ It’s not your fault. _

Happy squeezed his shoulder, blinking his irritated eyes, “Let’s go get some food, kid. We can finish the driving lessons some other time.”

**Author's Note:**

> yeah thats it, if you liked it leave me a comment!
> 
> (title is from driver's license bc that's where I got this idea from)


End file.
